my sister was a lesbian for a while, i shall tell her that joke

what's different about a bulimic persons birthday?

the cake jumps out of them

2 carrots named Steve and John are crossing the road. Steve however didnt look to the side when he crossed. He was struck by a car and was hurt extremely badly. John called and ambulance and it arrived quickly.

Steve was admitted into intensive care and when he arrived at the hospital, John followed in worry. "What's wrong!? Is he going to be ok!?" asked John frantically. The doctor replied "Well i have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that he's going to live, the bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for life"

[Keeker]

Yes, extremely old but I still laughed....

TAXI HOME

Scene 1: The City, Night: Man, obviously drunk, gets into a taxi.
Man: "Reading please"
Taxi Driver: "OK Guv"
(short time later)
Man: "How much is this going to cost me?"
Taxi Driver: "About thirty quid!"
Man: "Shit, I've only got a tenner!"
FX: Shriek of brakes, man is turfed out of cab in the middle of nowhere!

Scene 2: Same city, one week later.
Same man arrives at taxi rank. Speaks to first taxi driver in taxi rank.
Man: "How much to Reading?"
Taxi No.1: "About thirty quid"
Man: "I'll give you five quid and a blow job"
Taxi No.1: "F**K OFF, Pervey B*****D!"
Man goes to taxi No.2
Man: "How much to Reading?"
Taxi No.2 "About thirty quid, mate"
Man: "I'll give you a fiver and a blow job!"
Taxi No.2 "Piss off, bentshot!"
Man goes to taxi No.3 .... it is the taxi driver from the week before.
Man: "How much to Reading?"
Taxi No.3 "You again, eh! Thirty quid... in advance!!!"
Man: "OK!" and hands over the thirty pounds.

Scene 3

Taxi pulls away from rank with man in back. As he passes taxis Nos. 1 and 2 he smiles and gives thumbs-up!!

[Keeker]

RING ...
RING ...
CLICK

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware
that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and
about to bite off your ear.

What do you get when you throw a rock into a mineshaft???

The answer is: A flat miner.

(For the ones who don't know anything about music: 'A flat minor' is a music chord.)

What do you get when you throw a rock into a mineshaft???

The answer is: A flat miner.

(For the ones who don't know anything about music: 'A flat minor' is a music chord.)

that was horrible!

What do you get when you throw a rock into a mineshaft???

The answer is: A flat miner.

(For the ones who don't know anything about music: 'A flat minor' is a music chord.)

that was horrible!

Better than Keeker's 'jokes'.

[Keeker]

What do you get when you throw a rock into a mineshaft???

The answer is: A flat miner.

(For the ones who don't know anything about music: 'A flat minor' is a music chord.)

that was horrible!

Better than Keeker's 'jokes'.

<sputter!> How dare you cast asparagus at my jokes! I thought they were very funny! And, I have more.

<sputter!> How dare you cast asparagus at my jokes! I thought they were very funny! And, I have more.

Women lack 2 things: balls, and a sense of humour.

[Keeker]

<sputter!> How dare you cast asparagus at my jokes! I thought they were very funny! And, I have more.

Women lack 2 things: balls, and a sense of humour.

lulz ^^

[Keeker]

The Kitchen Bitch

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son
playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All you sons of bitches
who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And
all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the
train...cause we're going down the tracks. "

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind
of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you
are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with
your train...but I want you to use nice language.

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing
with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son
say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.

She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just
boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will
have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who
are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
kitchen..."

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.




What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.



*rimshot*

A Horse walks into a bar.

The Bartender say "Why the long face?"

Boo doom chi!