I think its making it out to be way more complicated than it really is. It may be true in some cases but I can't think of many people I know that would fit this explanation. My wife and I (together 10 years) hit our rock bottom, as most couples will, and we're still going strong. It wasn't because we accepted we both had mommy issues. Yeah we're flawed and yeah the butterflies don't flutter the way they used to but thats due to many things. One is the hormones we had raging when we were younger have calmed down plus we've been together for a long time. The passion is still there but its different. It's comforting and relaxed instead of unknown and exciting all the time. It can be the raging inferno or the comfy fireplace. I need my wife but its because she's my best friend and makes my life better. I can count on her and vice versa.
Tolerance, trust, communication and adaptability are what make a relationship last. We accept that we're flawed and that we'll hurt each other sometimes and we're also strong enough to admit it face to face.
No one is perfect and the article is successful in explaining that eventually the relationship won't be what it once was. I think it fails when it starts to over analyze why. This may fit some people who have the right type of emotional wounds but not all long term relationships.

[JuZ]

I think its making it out to be way more complicated than it really is. It may be true in some cases but I can't think of many people I know that would fit this explanation. My wife and I (together 10 years) hit our rock bottom, as most couples will, and we're still going strong. It wasn't because we accepted we both had mommy issues. Yeah we're flawed and yeah the butterflies don't flutter the way they used to but thats due to many things. One is the hormones we had raging when we were younger have calmed down plus we've been together for a long time. The passion is still there but its different. It's comforting and relaxed instead of unknown and exciting all the time. It can be the raging inferno or the comfy fireplace. I need my wife but its because she's my best friend and makes my life better. I can count on her and vice versa.
Tolerance, trust, communication and adaptability are what make a relationship last. We accept that we're flawed and that we'll hurt each other sometimes and we're also strong enough to admit it face to face.
No one is perfect and the article is successful in explaining that eventually the relationship won't be what it once was. I think it fails when it starts to over analyze why. This may fit some people who have the right type of emotional wounds but not all long term relationships.

Very eloquently put, Jono. Nice one.

Yeah second that.

Some people claim that monogamy isn't human nature. The first rush of lust and romantic love comes to an end... But maybe they're just bitter or immature?

I'll just say as Bill Hicks said:
It takes a very special lady....
















Or a bunch of average ones!

I should probably also mention that we don't have kids yet. I'm sure that will be a reboot on the relationship. I'm confident we'll make it out OK.
I flat out asked my wife if our romance (sex) would suffer when we had kids. She said no way so I'm all good.

I flat out asked my wife if our romance (sex) would suffer when we had kids. She said no way so I'm all good.

Hahaha. Yeah right. Like you will have the time, the energy or the inclination for the first three years.

A kid sure as hell didn't slow down the wife and I. If it is important, you find the time and energy for anything, anywhere, anytime.

first I thought its Eckhart Tolle...thanks!

I can kinda relate to the passion/romantic love developing into something else part of the article but the whole thing is destroyed for me by the line:

We believe that couples who claim never to argue are often shying away from intimacy; instead of sharing all of themselves, they may develop parallel lives

I find that insulting and it makes the whole discussion read like someone in a bad relationship trying to justify where they are at by bringing down those around them.

It's true that couples who "never argue" don't exist, or if they do they're being very dishonest with themselves and their feelings. No one sees eyes to eye all the time, people fight, it's natural. I do think the way they worded that statement was kind of odd. Yeah sure maybe if they're not arguing due to fear and avoiding confronting problems then yes, they will eventually grow apart. But there are definitely people who argue less than others, usually because the arguments they do have are respectful and actually contribute to bettering of the relationship.

I love the "MY EXPERIENCE REPRESENTS THE REST OF HUMANITY" feel going on in this thread..

I love the "MY EXPERIENCE REPRESENTS THE REST OF HUMANITY" feel going on in this thread..

I'm not getting that at all. I think its the article that has that view and everyone's responses are either "yeah that fits me" or "that does not describe my relationship and here's why"

I said myself that it may apply to some people. It's just a pretty extreme psychoanalysis in my opinion.

I love the "MY EXPERIENCE REPRESENTS THE REST OF HUMANITY" feel going on in this thread..

I'm not getting that at all. I think its the article that has that view and everyone's responses are either "yeah that fits me" or "that does not describe my relationship and here's why"

I said myself that it may apply to some people. It's just a pretty extreme psychoanalysis in my opinion.

Yes absolutely. i have just read throughthe whole thread again and everyone who disagreed with the article has said 'it may be true of some but...' or something similar.

The essay is incredibly overly psycho-analytic, as many have already pointed out. A strong relationship needs the two individuals to love themselves first, before "trying" to love each other. Perhaps this means a person has had a great childhood with great parents, and then loving oneself becomes easy because healthy self-esteem was in place very early (the essay does not indicate this possibility). In other cases a person may be in many relationships that end up badly, and until that person "wakes up" and realizes that he/she is worth more, deserves better, and finally learns to love him/herself, that person won't find a solid relationship. This may mean the person may only find that great relationship at a later age. In either case, I think one must know oneself before attempting to know another. The analysis in the essay tries to explain one possibility for the damaged relationships that exist in the world - but I think the focus ends up going in the wrong direction.

I'm a bit skeptical to psychoanalysis in general. It's mostly based on Freud, who, all though made great contributions to psychology, never really based his work on empirical research much. Sure, some of his ideas have been tested later on, but as far as I know, there's not much consensus in psychology regarding psychoanalytical ideas on childhood and parental care. There are bunches of interesting ideas and theories in psychology, some based on evidence and others based on other stuff... and as far as I know, psychoanalytic ideas often fall in to the latter. </rant>